It's All About Larry

I'm going to say it. I don't care that Larry Craig is gay. I don't even care all that much that he likes to cruise for anonymous sex in public restrooms. Humans do plenty of odd things and that is far from the oddest.

Neither of these things would interest me much at all aside from the "eww factor" of even thinking about someone like Craig and sex in the same sentence except for the fact that while he's been busily indulging his passions on the one hand, he's been actively working to deny equal rights to millions of his fellow Americans with the other.

Wanting to put ones penis into the mouths of citizens who you would then deny equal rights and treatment under the law....well, that DOES make you a very naughty boy. Actually, that and the bald-faced lying, refusal to accept personal responsibility for your actions, and barely concealed rage (not shame, not humiliation Larry, it was rage pure & simple) at being caught would make you a sociopath.

So your sociopathic and/or simply retarded friends in congress all abandoned you? Pardon me while I laugh. What the hell did you expect would happen? They're just like you. Speaking of old-fashioned values do you remember the one about "you made your own bed, now lie in it"?

I bet you'd like to ring officer Dave Karsnia's neck, wouldn't you? If it's any consolation to you I don't foresee a very good outcome for him either.

The officer grew audibly frustrated toward the end of the interview, saying, "I guess I'm gonna say I'm just disappointed in you, sir. I'm just really am. I expect this from the guy that we get out of the 'hood. I mean, people vote for you."

Right. People in the 'hood all cruise public toilets for sex and all of them lie. Nice to see an officer of the law openly express what most of them honestly believe for once. Now shut up and go feel heroic in your War on Toilet Sex.

You know officer Karsnia, most of the people who voted for Larry aren't from the 'hood. See, people from the 'hood usually know a lying freak when they see one. Too bad the same can't be said of the fine, upstanding, values voters of Idaho.

Which is why I'm not jumping for joy that Larry is toast, I have every confidence Idaho voters will replace him with someone equally reprehensible.

Fox Means Business????

You thought Fox had no merit whatsoever didn't you. You were wrong, they ought to win a Best Comedy Show award for Bulls & Bears. The entire "Cost of Freedom" line-up deserves a nomination at the very least but Bulls & Bears is the clear stand out.

As if the ever-slutty Brenda Buttner and her snorting laugh weren't enough add in the cast of colorful, yet oddly unattractive and obnoxious middle-aged men still acting like high school boys in the locker room after the first Big Game of the season and it's a recipe for the most hysterical half hour of television you ever lost your lunch over.

You'll find it difficult to choose just one favorite character out of the brilliant cast of aging frat boys but Tobin Smith was my runner up. His loud laughter, extra-large teeth and penchant for sexist jokes make him as endearing as a close encounter with a brain-damaged hyena though somewhat less exciting.

Don't believe me? Read one fan's testimonial:

"I enjoy watching Tobin Smith on Fox's Bulls & Bears every Saturday morning. He's often wrong, but I like his enthusiasm."



In spite of all this overwhelming talent Gary B. Smith stands head and shoulders above the crowd. Tracked at Motley Fool Caps with an amazing accuracy of 42.11% you'd be well advised to flip a coin rather than listen to Gary when making your next investment decision.

Still, nothing can detract from the fun to be had waiting for the next nugget of advice to spew from Gary's mouth. Gary's been trying to push Take Two Interactive, maker of such fine games as Grand Theft Auto and Bully, for months now. Seems like kind of an odd choice for a supposedly conservative pundit on a conservative network but maybe this is just one screaming hot stock? Sadly no. TTWO has lost nearly 50% of it's value since Gary started plugging it, pays no dividend and is earning a whopping $-2.50 per share. Gary must simply enjoy killing prostitutes and being a bully!

Not one to be discouraged Gary has moved on, his current pick for the week: Beazer Homes, down from a high of $48 to it's current....$9.52? Must be a screaming deal, ya'll Fox viewers buy it and let me know how that works out for you, m'kay?

I'm telling you people, comedy just does not get any better than this and if you still can't get enough check out Gary's hedge fund, Exemplar Capital, LLC and you too can invest in Gary. He'll have your back....and your life savings!

Fuck Definitions

When did we start scrambling definitions so badly? I remember (just barely, we started scrambling early in my childhood) when "conservatives" were people who believed in being financially responsible. Back then "conservatives" were opposed to starting pre-emptive wars, even to becoming involved in the internal politics of other countries.

Somewhere along the way that all got turned around.

Nowadays espousing equal rights gets you tagged "a wild-eyed liberal". Advocating judicially imposed discrimination makes you "conservative". Unilateral attacks on non-combatant countries makes you a republican. Wanting government to manage money responsibly pretty much just gets you labelled crazy by either party.

One of my pet peeves has been the continuous bleating from the right about "multiculturalism". Supposedly, according to these folks, those evil liberals are ok with people coming to the US and committing "honor killings" and beating their wives because it's a part of their "culture" and we have to respect that. Wrong.

We aren't Belgium. Truly traditional Americans don't care if you want to cover your head, wash your feet in the restroom or wear what looks to us like a bedsheet. It's called personal liberty and we respect that. We care a lot if you think violating our laws is going to be just hunky-dory. I wouldn't move to Saudi Arabia and expect to run around in shorts or drive a car. Well, ok, I wouldn't move to Saudi Arabia at all. Ever. That's the point, if you can't deal with the laws of a country DON'T MOVE THERE. There are thousands of miles of difference between being tolerant of practices different from our own and and allowing people to dictate our laws to us. Most of us are down with the first one.

Right wingers you really ought to stop smoking crack. You'd be hard pressed to find 2% of the US population who would be ok with female circumcision, honor killings or any other nonsense like that. Ain't happening. America has been "multicultural" since before it was called America. If you aren't used to it by now maybe it's you who ought to contemplate moving somewhere more homogeneous. My last two bosses were Muslims, one married to a Mexican. Their boss was a white guy from Appalachia who married a Hasidic Jew. Grow up. Tribalism is a deadend and mix-n-match is as "traditionally American" as it gets.

So some groups choose to separate themselves and maintain a distinctly different culture you say? Yes, some do. Guess what happens to them? They get left behind. They never make it to the playing field much less the winner's circle.

There is nothing "liberal" about equality and caring about those less fortunate is not a "wild-eyed liberal" philosophy. Respecting individuals' right to live in peace in pretty much any way they see fit is not a "radical" concept. It's as traditionally American as apple pie and baseball.

Most if not all of the problems we are facing right now are because we quit following those principles. We decided to run out in the world and force "democracy" and "equality" on the rest of the world while not even practicing it all that well at home. It's one thing to want to help others, it's quite another to ram that help down their throats by force when they don't want it.

Any nation that deliberately and consistently chooses to live in ways that do not benefit all of its citizens, that cannot adapt to change and that stubbornly clings to a "me first & my way or the highway" philosophy deserves to implode and will. Including us. Maybe that sounds coldhearted but it's been kind of a universal law like....forever. We can make up all the labels and definitions we want to but the universe has its own laws and they trump ours.

Next person who calls me a wild-eyed liberal is a turdblossom.

Progress and More Good News

500 or so people killed in a single day is certainly more efficient than the measly 80 or 100 we were averaging so yes, one could call that progress. With any luck at all when the arms we're selling to the Saudis (and the ones we're just flat giving away to Sunni Baathists) start funnelling into the various organisations and militias everyone can kill everyone else with enhanced efficiency. I don't know why I didn't see the beauty of this plan sooner. Have the Iraqis all kill each other thus freeing us up to start on Iran. Brilliant.

Ok, ok, so the markets are a little rough right now but that will all change once the Iraqis are all dead and we get the new and improved Halliburtonland up and running. I'm seeing golf courses and Del Webb Desert Oasis planned communities on the horizon. As an added bonus we can ship all of our Mexican workers over there to build it putting an end to the national have-you-kicked-a-Mexican-today sport and appeasing big, hairy, white guys all over this great nation.

Proof positive that Jesus is on our side: there is no drought, in fact Texas in particular is about to have an even greater abundance of water. Granted many people will lose homes if this flooding continues but think of the money they'll save on property taxes.

Now I know some people are probably saying but, but, but, bridges are collapsing and people are dying! Well, environmentalists and the anti-immigration people have been complaining about overpopulation so losing a few dozen here and there shouldn't bother either of those groups. Besides, if more bridges collapse it would become increasingly difficult to get in and out of some cities which would put a dent in illegal immigration. You've got to look at the upside here, right? True, if things got bad enough some people might have to do without some little amenities like, you know, electricity and stuff but the good news is they wouldn't have to pay any taxes!

Speaking of overpopulation, we need to get moving on reinstating the draft. We have millions of young teens waiting in the wings who will commence to breeding if we don't give them something more productive to do. Like go kill more people. Then again if we go ahead and let them start taking guns to school and arm the teachers....might take care of the problem.

In keeping with my new attitude I'll close with a plug for a brand new planned community right here in beautiful Pahrump, Nevada. For only $250,000 you too can buy a brand new, semi-custom home at Ishani Ridge just down the road a piece from moi. Granted there is no "ridge" for at least 100 miles or so but the homes do have a magnificent frontal view of several acres filled with invasive Salt Cedars and a chain link fence. Be sure to see Fely Quitevas for all your real estate needs so a portion of your commission fees will be donated to the Republican National Committee.



See, if you're a Republican there's always an upside!

It's Been a Fabulous Week

Previous rumour appears to not have been true but Karl Rove's resignation does make up for it a bit. Hopefully he'll enjoy the Texas heat and humidity. Say "there is no climate change".
Repeat ad infinitum while clicking your heels, maybe the Good Fairy will hear you.

I've given up on the presidential race more or less, Richardson's pretty much blown his chances and we're down to a Clinton -vs- Obama match. Yawn. We'll be in Iraq until Bush is out of office or we flat run out of troops and the majority of Americans essentially do not care. Another yawn. A bridge collapses but that will look like a fender-bender when a dam gives way, in the meantime we'll ignore it and fight about abortion, school prayer, and flag burning. Oh yeah, and gay marriage, the greatest threat to national security. Well, aside from Osama & friends scuba diving in our sewer systems. I checked my septic tank and he isn't there. Very disappointing, I was going to stuff some of his essential parts down his throat and post the video on YouTube. It would have been at least #3.

EXPLAIN TO ME WHY THE FUCK I SHOULD CARE?????

See I realized I've been looking at this all wrong. I should be supporting the war and encouraging all young rightwingers to enlist. Preferably by age 12. Between that and random dialing people in Georgia to ask how they're enjoying the weather I should be able to entertain myself until I'm at least 99.

So there you go Dems, if you want to have some fun go adopt yourself a pet conservative and start encouraging them along their path. Make some popcorn, sit back and watch their head explode.

Viva Progress, A Little Bit of Truth About the Good Old Days

I had started this rant last night but over tiredness and pissed off did not make for a very good combination so I saved it and this morning Buckdog posted something along a very similar line from the Canadian point of view.
Since most of us have reached the conclusion that for better or worse, language matters, I've been giving some thought to William Donohue of recent infamy and others of his ilk.

We, or the MSM at any rate, have been referring to them by such terms as "Christian conservatives", "values voters", and "fundamentalist Christians". Those terms may be polite and fairly inoffensive but I don't think they accurately depict who and what these people truly are. Those terms in fact tend to lend them an air of reasonableness and legitimacy that they just do not deserve.

Much as I might favor "socially retarded, anally retentive, control-freak assmonkeys" somehow I just can't feature Anderson Cooper or Soledad O'Brien saying it which would kind of defeat the purpose of changing the terminology in the first place.

Here are a few alternative proposals:

Christian Extremists
Religious Radicals
Christian Despots
Religious Anti-Socials
and my personal favorite: Social Regressives

Socially regressive is exactly what they are and I like to call things by their true names. "Conservative" implies that they are attempting to preserve some better way of life that we all once enjoyed. I'm not sure in what fairy tale we enjoyed this "better way of life" but they claim it is so.

Let me take you back to the year of my birth, back in the good old days when unmarried women who got pregnant were sent away "to visit an ailing aunt" and gay people had to hide in closets stuffed with high-heeled slippers with fuzzy fake-feather balls on the toes.

January 14 - George Wallace becomes governor of Alabama.

February 11 - CIA Domestic Operations Division is created.

March 18 - Court decides poor must have lawyers (Gideon vs. Wainwright Supreme Court trial)

June 12 - Civil rights leader Medgar Evers is fatally shot in front of his home in Jackson, Mississippi.

June 17 - The United States Supreme Court ruled 8 to 1 in Abington School District v. Schempp against allowing the reciting of Bible verses and the Lord's Prayer in public schools.

August 18 - American civil rights movement: James Meredith becomes the first black person to graduate from the University of Mississippi.

August 28 - Martin Luther King delivers his "I have a dream" speech on the steps at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C.

September 15 - American civil rights movement: The 16th Street Baptist Church bombing results in 4 deaths and 22 injuries.

November 22 - John F. Kennedy assassination: In Dallas, Texas, US President John F. Kennedy is assassinated, Texas Governor John B. Connally is seriously wounded, and US Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson is sworn-in as the 36th President of the United States.

November 24 - Vietnam War: Newly sworn in US President Lyndon B. Johnson confirms that the United States intends to continue supporting South Vietnam militarily and economically.

Those are just a few highlights from "the good old days". Don't forget that our public schools were still teaching children to "duck and cover" in the event of a nuclear attack and just about every town had at least one building with an official "fallout shelter" sign, likely posted not far from the omnipresent "whites only" signs. Miscegenation was still a crime in some states, in others it would only get you killed.

Pardon me for my complete lack of sappy, fond nostalgia.

I also remember who the people were who promoted and propagated all of the aforementioned loveliness. It was the Christians. The same God-fearing, bible-quoting, hellfire and damnation Christians as we have today, in many cases the direct offspring of the original pain in the ass idiots we fought before. The bible was used then, as it is now, to justify everything from racial prejudice and legalized discrimination to engaging in military actions we had no business being involved in.

I'd have expected us to learn something from this. Nope. The Regressives have learned to cloak their intentions and meaning quite a bit better but leopards don't change their spots and they are still exactly what they were in 1963: social regressives.

Maybe we haven't spent enough time and effort informing the younger generation about the realities that existed within our own lifetimes, preferring to feed them the misty, rose-colored version that time often lends to our memories.

I went to elementary school in a semi-rural, mainly agricultural district. More than half of my classmates were Hispanic, mainly first and second generation children from Mexico. Nearly all of their parents were farmworkers. The people who picked the crops for the food we all buy at our local supermarket. Even back then those crops would have rotted in the fields if farmers had to find white, American citizens to pick them.

Despite the disproportionate number of Mexican and Mexican-American children in my school all of the teachers were white. Not criticizing that, I doubt one could have found more than a small handful of Latino teachers in the US back then.

The problem was the attitude. I didn't really think about it much or it didn't penetrate my 7-year-old consciousness until the day W. disappeared. Until that day I simply took for granted my status as a golden child in the eyes of my teachers.

W. was Mexican, I don't know if she was in the US legally or illegally but her English was just good enough to barely get by. She was always quiet, never talked much to anyone and as far as I could tell, didn't have any friends. No one picked on her but no one paid her any attention either, myself included. I might have been unusual only in the fact that I even noticed she existed.

She disappeared one morning during recess. I noticed her seat was empty sometime after returning to class. I didn't think too much of it at first, assuming she was in the bathroom or some other logical place until our teacher started calling us up by name to pick up our graded assignments. Naturally W. was not there to respond when her name was called.

Nothing happened. When W. still had not appeared by the next recess I asked the teacher where she was and was told she must have gone home. Several hours later the police arrived at school with W. in tow. They had found her wandering about a mile from school. She said she had "felt lonely" and was trying to walk to her grandmother's house...in Mexico. No one at school had reported her missing.

You would think this would have resulted in at least an apology to her parents. Nope. W. was expelled from school for being "unmanageable".

Even at age 7 I was aware enough to know that had I gone missing for even 5 minutes there would have been a massive outcry. Can't have little curly-haired, blue-eyed children going missing, what would people think? One less dark-skinned child in the classroom...no big deal.

I also had enough sense to understand my own complicity in the matter. I had never spoken up, never questioned why the brown-skinned children were ignored, never questioned why all the goodies and attention always went to those of us with lily-white complexions. Enough sense to feel shamed. Where was the shame from the people who were supposed to be our role models?

Today we don't and indeed cannot get away with this behavior. I'm thankful for that. Still we have this large group of people who having failed in perpetuating this type of institutionalized discrimination against certain ethnic groups have now turned their attentions to gay people, single parents, the poor, and anyone else who doesn't fit into their world view of what constitutes a human being. And we've been letting them get away with it.

Now maybe some folks out there really long for the good old days, high-heeled slippers, beehives and all. Me, I prefer today and should I be lucky enough to live to see it, the future. Hopefully a future where we've put a little bit more of the "humane" into humanity and people like Mr. Donohue don't even merit a mention on the evening news because normal folks just don't go around worrying themselves about what other folks do in their bedrooms or demonizing the weakest among us.

Hopefully enough of us will stand up and call the people who would do this what they really are and refuse to accept it.