Just found out that due to the changes in Canadian citizenship law as of April 17....I am a Canadian citizen!!!
Still in shock. I've been upset over this my entire life, to suddenly have it handed to me...I don't know what to say.
Or something like that anyway. Kind of began with my frustration with the blogosphere in general, grew considerably over something a fellow blogger did and then we lost a family member in the tornados that hit Missouri back in May. At that point I could not bring myself to care if we managed to blow ourselves to smithereens much less what the talking heads had to say about anything.
Life goes on though, in spite of my continued struggle not to simply see us as a failed species.
Soooo....I'm going to try over the next week to catch up on reading my favorite blogs and um, yeah, try not to say "I told you so" about John Edwards. At least not too much anyway because really aside from some idle interest on how poorly most people read character, I don't especially care. I admit to laughing my ass off at anyone using the name "McCain" and the word "gravitas" in the same sentence after offering up his wife for a topless biker beauty pageant. Do not speak to me of anything Clinton unless you would like me to come unwrapped on your ass.
No, I haven't been out stumping for Obama or anyone else. It all looks pretty simple to me, Obama will most likely win this and if he does not we are most definitely screwed and I'll send you a postcard from Mexico. We are likely somewhat screwed regardless because we are way too deep in the shit for any one person or administration to dig us all the way out, best we can hope for is we get one that at least has shovels and know how to use them.
Will try to get back soon with something more coherent but you have fair warning, my misanthropic view of the world has only grown in my absence.
Barely 24 hours after what was the most definitive speech ever given on race and here come the assmonkeys attempting to chip, chip, chip away at what was possibly the finest example of true statesmanship we will see in this century.
They just can't stand it, not five minutes after Sen. Obama's speech there was the Prince of Assmonkeys, Pat Buchanan, parsing every tidbit through his own personal hateful, racist, sexist fucktard filter on MSNBC. Pat, you might think Rev. Jeremiah Wright hates you but he's your biggest fan compared to what I feel for you. Trust me on that one.
Obama spoke truths that I and millions of other American citizens have known almost since birth, if that was "shocking" or surprising to some then all it points to is how fucking blind and insulated some of you are. When were you planning to wake up? When the anger and violence has destroyed all of us? When we have no nation left to salvage?
Sound extreme? You really think a nation as divided as ours can continue to function effectively while continuing to ignore the needs and feelings of at least a third of its citizens? How the hell has that been working out for us? Looking at the big picture any sane person would have to conclude "not very damned well".
Anyone who didn't "get" the speech or doesn't "get" the bigger picture here, you're probably beyond human help and it's time the rest of us moved on without you because the time for holding back to appease you is past. Sure, "we" could lose the election but I can personally guarentee you this: even if you "win" the election, you lose, in fact we'll all lose. Chew on that fer a while Bubba-heads.
Barack Hussein Obama, yes, I used his middle name because it is a perfectly fine name and there is not a motherfucking thing wrong with it, has given me and mine something we have never had to any great extent, pride in one of our leaders and pride in our country for being able to produce such a person. That is also correct, I said I have never had tremendous pride in my country until now and I am a white middle class woman. My name is not Michelle and I am not running for any office so I will not parse that for you nor will I apologize to a country that's done nothing but try to kick me in the teeth every step up from the bottom. I have more than a slight suspicion there are many others like me out there too so if any of ya'll are thinking this is just a "black issue", think again m'fers.
I could not be prouder of Sen. Obama if he were my own son or father or brother. What he said yesterday reached down into the ugly ball of rage I carry with me every day of my life and I didn't cry that cute little cry so many women manage where a few tears escape while they artfully dab them away from their make-up, no, it was more like the nearly-choking-to-death cry that anyone who has ever felt real pain knows. Make-up be damned.
Yeah babies, it's personal at a level I never thought I'd live to see. I'm just one but our names and faces are many. Stick that one in your pipe and smoke it.
Here is my deep, dark confession....my part-time addiction to creating alter egos on my favorite MMORPG where I currently exist as a black, half-elf Templar with a faithful pet duck. For those of you who believe only children and ultra-geeks engage in this sort of activity, my current main playing partner is a 50 something Italian engineer who plays from his office in Rome. Granted we may both be ultra-geeks but children we are definitely not.
The sad thing is that while busily slaying orcs, bugbears and harpies in our little fictional universe we actually manage to have more interesting conversations than I've been able to find for the most part in the blog world. Somehow I can't feature my game friend going on a rant about Bill Clinton's wagging a finger at someone idiotic enough to attend a rally just to heckle the speaker or engaging in the ultra-paranoid anti-Obama rants I've seen on some blogs of late.
Even stranger we differ on which US candidate we support but manage to discuss politics without raising insane arguments. Truth is if I were stupid enough to raise many of the arguments I've seen written on blogs and flogged to death in the media he would assume I'd lost my mind and he'd be correct.
At least two of my favorite bloggers, Mixter and Vigilante have expressed similar feelings of disenchantment with the current, I hesitate to call it "dialogue" but whatever it is. Hang in there both of you, please. Take a break if you must but don't throw in the towel because we've had decades of lunatics running this asylum and it's time saner voices took over.
I don't live in the blog world full time like some nor do I live in my fictional game world full time, most of my time is actually spent in the very ordinary real world and I prefer to keep it that way though both of the others are wonderful alternatives at times and I have no plans to quit any. The thing is that despite my ever present pessimism about the human race in general I've seen enough evidence of at least a sizeable minority of people capable of using logic and reason to make it worthwhile to keep trying.
The alternative would be to just give up and disappear into some fantasy universe full time and that I am not prepared to do.
Several people commented on the previous post that much as they would hate to do it they would vote for Hillary Clinton in the general election if she wins the nomination. I have to agree with them, they are right...we can't afford a McCain presidency so I know that I would have to find a way to make myself do it but on a really personal level this would be one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do.
I have the same problem with Clinton as I had with Edwards: she voted to kill my children in George's war.
At first I was willing to cut her some slack on the issue, I had to put myself in her shoes and really look at how I might have looked at it if I had been in her position. Now assuming I was ever gullible enough to believe Iraq presented a clear and present danger to the US or even assuming I could at least be willing to entertain the thought that I might be mistaken, the consequences of being wrong on that would not be something I'd be willing to live with. The possibility of putting thousands of lives at risk by making a wrong decision or, unthinkable as it would be for me, to score a political jab at Herr Bush would make it at least understandable why some may have voted to give him the green light on the invasion. Faced with even a slight possibility of this scenario I can understand why some would have erred on the side of what they may have seen as caution.
The problem is that since then it came to light that Sen. Clinton never even read the intelligence reports.
Still wearing Clinton's shoes there is no possible explanation for that other than it was never about erring on the side of caution or fear of risking more innocent lives. It was about political expediency and keeping the vote amongst what was at that time perceived as the "center". There is just no other way to spin it and believe me I've turned this one inside out and looked at it from every conceivable angle and there is simply no way that if ones' concern truly was the safety and security of the American people that anyone would have simply voted without taking advantage of all available information and intelligence. There is just no way I would have done that and hopefully neither would any of the readers here.
I know that's "old" news and supposedly the American voter has a 15 minute attention span. Maybe that's true but not always and not all of us. I don't care what pop psychology says about forgiveness, some things are not forgiveable and more importantly speak to the true character and motivations of a person. There is no way anyone can spin this for me, it is impossible to make a decision affecting the lives of millions without even looking at all the information then try to convince me it was because you believed it was to protect those very people.
I'm a woman and I am a mother and I know better.
So how am I going to make myself vote for Clinton if it comes to that? Only one way I can, McCain has made it clear he will not even attempt to put an end to this. As long as ending our occupation of Iraq remains popular with the general public, Clinton likely will. Don't bank on that though, John Q. Public can change with the wind and we'll have elected a leader who likes to run the way the wind is blowing. If it comes down to it I'll have to settle for that on the chance that I might help save someone else's child or husband or spouse so on that note I'll give her my vote then whatever happens, happens.
Unfortunately it would be just one more time I had no real voice in this country, me and a few million other people for that reason and a dozen others. Yes, that's just one of them, I could write a 2000 page book on some of the other reasons but most people still would not get it and I'm pretty much tired of trying to reason with people that just want to turn this into a high school football team rivalry.
This is about real lives and real people and I have to try and choose the candidate I believe most takes that seriously. At the most basic level it's all about trust and given a choice I always opt for the people who have not betrayed my trust. Sadly I'm usually left with a choice between two people who've betrayed that trust and trying to decide which will continue to do so less than the other.
So you were wondering why so few people vote?
Ok, ok, been gone quite awhile I know. Mainly I just could not think of a thing I cared enough to say two words about, too many of my own things were going on to care if the rest of the world imploded or not.
The main thing was nearly losing my newest grandbaby who was born needing immediate surgery and spent her first month in the ICU....luckily for us in one of the best hospitals in the country which definitely brings home the point that we have to make certain everyone has access to this level of care. I can't even begin to imagine how differently things might have turned out for a family that did not have good insurance.
Anyhow, all is well now, mother and baby now home and doing just fine and in spite of Pakistan blowing up, Bush still being in office, the Religious Wrong still sucking rotten eggs and our economy looking like a one-legged, blind dog the only thing I can find it in my heart to say today is......HALLEJFUCKINGLIUIAH.....Obama won Iowa. THAT my friends hits me on so many levels I can't even begin to explain but if you happen to be one of the people who is right there with me you already get it.
So for today anyway....peace on earth and goodwill towards every single Iowan who did this miraculous thing. I'm still ganked at humans, I didn't suddenly start believing in god and no, I don't think that all is going to be well now but for this one moment I do have hope and that's more than I've had for nearly a decade.
Re: my previous post which upon reflection probably comes across as a bit flip about California's troubles. Ok, I admit it, quite often my posts are somewhat flip about a lot of troubles. I'm not about to apologise for it but I'll go as far as giving the curious a l'il bit of context.
I lived in southern California for 20 years. Not once but twice an arsonist tried to torch my neighborhood, it's a daily fact of life there. Lots of mentally ill folks and lots of angry folks all looking at the herds of happy-happy, joy-joy families with their 500k houses. Shit is bound to happen.
100 years ago, back when I was a young, broke-as-hell, struggling single parent, the jackass who lived three doors down from me caught the building on fire and burned us all out on Christmas Eve. There I sat with a pile of burnt rubble, three small children and no place to go and not one person said "hey, is there anything I can do to help". Not that we had anything to start with.
Not whining, whatever does not kill you will make you stronger or at least meaner, tougher and thicker skinned. I did what I always did, figured a way to work things out on my own. So, while I'm not jumping for joy that a lot of people lost homes in the fires, I figure they'll live. Yes, there is an element of "most of them are people who would have spit in my face back in the day". Can't shake that completely, we are what life makes us.
I have lots of stories, most of them far, far worse, but really they're no more interesting than the stories of a few million other people. The only difference between me and them is most of them don't blog. Many of them didn't survive their stories. I save most of my empathy for them, the people who really are screwed in this world and there seem to be more of them every day. No, I don't feel anything but laughter welling up inside me when I see Mr. 80k per year crying about his student loans or his mortgage payment. I do not feel his pain. I think that's what some call "coming up hard" and that's what it does to you.
If it seems like I'm thumbing my nose at the world most of the time....it's because I am. Nearly half a century down the road and plenty of money in my pockets but the rage never quite goes away. Multiply that by a few million and you've got at least part of your answer as to what the hell is happening to our country. Think about it, millions of angry people who haven't been invited to the picnic and not all of them will content themselves with taking out their vengeance at a trading desk.
Every now and then when I'm not in the middle of separating some republican from their cash or posting something to annoy them I do something useful or at least different.
Not sure if it was the craving for toasted marshmallows the California fires gave me or the fat piles of money I've taken from some stupid trader-boyz over the last couple of months but I was inspired to bake a cake. That's about as out-of-character as it gets for me considering I once tried to buy a house without a kitchen. Don't get me wrong, I can cook, it just isn't something I choose to do very often.
Anyhow, just to piss off the food police crowd here are a few pointers.
Feel free to preface your chocolate cake orgy with some nice fried chicken (bread with real grated parmesan). Accessorize with fresh baked bread and wine of your choice (screw the French, the Turks got it goin' on). So far none of the above has given me high blood pressure, high cholesterol or diabetes. If it ever does I will at least die happy.
I had an e-mail from someone and they said something that really struck me as funny, "It seems like if you don't rant about Iraq or the latest screw-up by Kos, the numbers drop." That isn't terribly important to me. If it was, I could write "hit pieces" all day and probably do at least a fair job of it, trust me on that.
I'm pretty much tired of ranting about Iraq, like I said, if America was serious about getting out we'd be out. Most of America isn't quite there yet and that doesn't surprise me much either, most of the country is usually running a mile or two behind me. We're going to get out but not before we muck around for another 6 months to a year. There isn't anything I can do to change that. Kos, well, if I visit there once a month that would be a lot for me. I don't care all that much if they do screw up but if someone wants a daily dose of outrage and titillation on demand I'd recommend them because even though I may have stored up a lifetime of outrage I'm not always inclined to produce it on cue. I'm not getting paid to do this and I wouldn't want to be, I do this because it's the first time in my life I have not been in a position where I have to "mind what I say" or worry about the consequences. I'll write it when I'm feeling it. Or I'll post a giant picture of my ass. Depends how I'm feeling.
Today I was feeling sick of the news so I turned it off and went outside. I spent most of the day doing absolutely nothing except make random half-hearted stabs at pulling weeds, watching the half billion birds we have living here and taking pictures of any random thing that caught my eye. Sorry if that's boring but I wasn't up to dealing with the body count tally for today.
This one is for RJ Adams. It's my baby chitalpa in bloom. Those are mountains behind it. Nevada is not flat.
Lamb's ears that have colonized in odd places. Random, careless gardening is my style.
My dearest companion. Yes, she probably does outweigh Paris Hilton.
A small toad I found hiding under my huechera.
Tonight's sunset as seen from my back yard. 
That's it for me for tonight. No outrage, no bodycounts and I'll still be around tomorrow and the day after whether I have a "hitcount" or not. People can ignore me, they can never make me go away.
I have no idea what kind of shenanigans the military is up to out here but there have been helicopters flying all over the top of us for over an over an hour and our house just nearly got a buzz cut from a helicopter. Literally. Missed the power lines by no more than a few feet. So much for going to sleep early. Not a thing on the news so no idea what is going on.
Update: Apparently they were just using me for target practice, no worries. Air Force to fly training missions over Pahrump.
"Most training is conducted in rural locations with targets out in the open on the Nevada Test and Training Range, but in the current combat situation in both Iraq and Afghanistan, our troops on the ground need support in both urban and rural environments, said Maj. Sean Lowe, 17th Weapons School instructor. "Pahrump provides an ideal setting for urban close air support training."
Yeah, we're ideal...just a bunch of expendable rural folks.
I also have a few more days of this to look forward to. Maybe I'll give them a call because they were nowhere close to 500 feet off the ground.
May 22: We did not get swooped upon tonight. Either they got too many complaints, checked the readouts and chewed ass on some hotshot flyboys, or found another neighborhood to swoop down on. Everything around us stayed up in the air where it belonged.
As of tomorrow morning I will be smoke-free. Probably crazier than batshit too but hopefully that will pass. If not I'll just fit in better with most of the locals so no worries.
I'd been wanting to quit for quite a while but the real kicker for me wasn't even the health consideration (I seem to be damned near impossible to kill) or social pressure (keeping people away always seemed like a plus to me).
The kicker is the millions of dollars going to wealthy Republicans in places like Kentucky and North Carolina every year. The same people that help support the insane pile of crap our government has become. I just can't do it any more. Between the two of us here I would hate to admit the thousands we've spent annually on cigarettes, it's downright embarassing but it's all over now.
R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Company, it was fun while it lasted but we've moved on. Time to go our separate ways, think of it as an extended one-night stand and you don't look so good this morning in the sunlight without your makeup. Don't try and blame this break up on the environmentalist movement or political correctness....fact is we just hate your asses because really, once we took a good look at you, you're just a tired, scheming, old whore. Send a thank you note to your friend Dubya and his buddies for forcing us to see you in daylight.
Speaking of insanity in the family....how many of us have a relative who leaves us unsure of whether to laugh or to pull our hair out?
Here's one of mine. A thoughtful "happy birthday" message from a close relation who has not spoken to me in about 6 or 7 months.
Quote: I hope you have a happy birthday. I felt you should know we are alive. Nobody on my side of the family seems to care about us.
Um. I think it had something to do with the writer telling us repeatedly "I wish you were all dead", "you're all a bunch of losers", "I wish I wasn't related to you" and "I never want to speak to any of you again, don't call me or contact me".
So...no one called them or contacted them. Be careful what you ask for is about all I can say. Correct me if I'm wrong here but if someone said "don't call me or contact me" and you continued to try....wouldn't that be classified as stalking???
Buckdog sent me off on a tangent with this statement, "I am a recovering Catholic and have spent years undoing the idiocy and fear they infused in my life when I was a child."
Coming from a long line of Catholics that I can trace back to at least the 16th century I could easily understand his statement. Nope, this isn't going to be a long rant against Catholics in general, it has more to do with the way many people blindly put their faith and trust in churches and their official representatives in general.
Now I was probably a whole lot less traumatized by the Catholic church than he was, where I grew up it was the Baptist church that specialized in tormenting the local population. My parents were respectively, a (psychotic) agnostic who thought Billy Graham was an intellectual giant and collected books on "Black Magic" and a confused Catholic who barely got over believing in the Easter Bunny. Both were highly prone to "magical thinking" but were not exactly "regular churchgoing folks" so our churchgoing was limited to occasional forays in the company of schoolfriends from more traditional families.
Those visits were usually limited to about one visit after which we would decide that whatever church it was we had visited was as nutty as our parents. I've personally attended at least one service at nearly every Christian denomination in existence in the US including Mormon, Jehovah's Witness and even Pentecostal where I observed the phenomena known as "speaking in tongues". That was freaky but that's another story.
Anyhow, that's just some background. When I was 11 my parents in their infinite wisdom decided to send me to Catholic boarding school. No, it wasn't some sudden religious rebirth on their part...it simply seemed like a good place to stash an inconvenient child.
So off I went to St. Albert's located in beautiful Boerne, Texas. They don't keep a website regarding their secondary school program and I believe the average school shopper would have to find them via a referral from the church.
I wasn't there long but in the short time I was here are just a few of the highlights of things I saw:
Frequent, regular "discipline" in the form of whippings with a wooden paddle on bare bottoms in full view of other students.
A girl forced to stand in front of the entire student body and eat a full carton of cigarettes after being caught smoking.
A girl who was used as "slave labor" who had to scrub the communal bathrooms, floors, classrooms, etc. before and after school and on weekends and was not allowed to participate in after-school recreation to pay her tuition. She was 13.
The worst incident I was a witness to: a girl (age 13 or 14) who was caught in some infraction that I never found out the exact details of who was expelled. The expulsion was certainly within the schools' rights however prior to being escorted to the airport for her flight home the good sisters tied her to a bed, spread-eagled, with a rag stuffed in her mouth to prevent her from talking or screaming and then escorted the entire student body single file past her to "see what happens to bad girls".
Um, yeah, that one did it for me. I ran away less than a week after that sideshow.
My point is, parents either did not care what happened to their children or in many cases....blindly trusted the religious "authorities". No one believed us. Matter of fact, both the local police department and the nearby San Antonio police department staunchly defended the school and the Benedictine sisters who ran it.
Ok, its ancient history now. I'm not interested in trying to get some payback for 30 year old wrongs. What horrified me when I looked them up was discovering this.
The good sisters are now operating a federally funded Head Start program. Somehow this strikes me as not exactly a great idea. Maybe they've changed, I don't know but if it were your child....would you just assume that?
I've been semi-ignoring the news and political spheres for a few days since we decided to start refurbishing our shack instead of attempting to sell and relocate in the middle of a real estate meltdown.
Ok, to be honest, I sort of decided the matter by threatening to commence throwing our furniture out of the window and host a marshmellow roasting bonfire. Based on past performance, DH figured I was fully capable of making good on that threat. Yes, I'm evil.
Once room #1 was emptied, I, in my less than infinite wisdom, decided that redoing the entire floor was a great idea. This did turn out to be a great idea and it looks fabulous but in case you are thinking of doing this yourself, here are my 3 important tips to keep in mind:
1. Make certain you are married to someone who is proficient in handling power tools and construction. If I had attempted this project on my own I would now have a dirt floor, possibly no walls either.
2. Assume he/she knows what they are doing and don't bug them. Bring beer at reasonable intervals. Acknowledge them as the God of Home Improvement that they truly are.
3. Stand back and admire your beautiful new floor. 
It never ceases to amaze me that as a group we seem to require "studies" to figure out what I would imagine any person possessing a reasonable amount of common sense and normal intelligence probably knows already. I'm not complaining that these studies are done, I don't care all that much one way or the other but are we really this blind? More to the point, do we do anything with the information once we have it?
This recently released study examining narcissism in "generation Y" strikes me, gah, as so many things. Obvious, funny, sad, disturbing, would be a few of the descriptives that come to mind.
I'm going to try not to write a book here but no promises, if this bores you...move on now.
This news was not news to me, I raised three of these "Y" kids. Mea culpa. Being from a massively dysfunctional and verifiably insane family myself and starting out on my own from ground zero both economically and socially I did what most damaged, socially retarded young women with no family support do.....made a horrifically bad choice to marry the wrong person at far too young an age and promptly commenced to making more humans so I could engage in my ultimate driving fantasy of having MY children have an oh-so-much-better life.
So we've now established that despite all test scores to the contrary, I am fully capable of being a retarded dimwit able to make poor choices based on fuzzy, illogical thinking and emotion. Kind of shot my own narcissistic tendencies right in the foot.
I'd be more interested in a follow up study in 20 or 30 years to see how many of them got a clue after life has had a chance to bitch-slap them around a little bit. My guess is it would be quite a few.
Marc Flacks, an assistant professor of sociology, said that he believed that narcissism was too harsh a description for current students and that it was more important to discuss why "we have a society in which narcissistic behavior is a good quality to have."
"This is a bottom-line society, so students are smart to seek the most direct route to the bottom line," he added. "If you don't have a me-first attitude, you won't succeed.
There it is, we created them. We've been out of control egomaniacs for generations and it's only getting worse, where it will stop nobody knows.
Since I blog, therefore I might be narcissistic, I decided to answer the few test questions that were presented in the article.
1. "If I ruled the world, it would be a better place."
Definitely not. I'd get bored and frustrated and tell everyone to piss off. Whole thing would blow up in a great big, fiery ball in space.
2. "I think I am a special person."
A little odd maybe. How "special" could I be with a few billion others of my kind to compete with? Not very.
3. "I can live my life any way I want to."
More or less if I can afford to but I also will reap consequences from whatever ways I choose. I could afford to become a heroin addict but prison would cramp my style.
4. "I like to be the center of attention."
Sometimes, doesn't everyone? Mostly I value privacy over attention though since while I might have rare, occasional moments of bright and shiny coolness the other 99% of the time I probably look anywhere from too mundane for words to outright assmonkey-ish so I'd just as soon not have all eyes on me. I'm too lazy to keep up a "public persona".
Not too high up on the narcissist scale. I don't think I'm "more special" but I don't think I'm any "less special" either. I blog because I've been pissed off since I learned to talk and blogging is much more socially acceptable than kicking random strangers in the shins. I'd love to see other people's answers to these questions if you are inclined to answer them.
Our young people? Wouldn't worry too much, they'll most likely figure things out after they fall on their rumps a few times. Worst case scenario, they won't figure it out and we'll extinct ourselves which does not upset me nearly as much as it used to.
Since we are happily accusing everyone who screws up of committing "terrorist acts" I feel obligated to point the finger at ConAgra Foods and Wal-Mart and their devilishly clever plot to poison peanut butter & jelly eating democrats across the nation.
My dearest other, like all of us, has his own particular stereotypical groups that drive him bonkers. One of those is that group of women often referred to as "Soccer Mom's". Suburban, SUV driving, ponytail pulled through the ballcap wearing women of the 20 t0 30 something variety. You know, slightly toned down real-life versions of Desperate Housewives.
I'm not sure if he really dislikes them, they just scare him to death or it's their penchant for suddenly whipping in front of his 2 tons of automotive might. That's beside the point though.
Dear one bought the wrong trash bags, scented trash bags. Me being happily oblivious to what he is doing as my new computer just arrived, I am suddenly assaulted by a strange odor.
Me: what the hell is that smell?
Him: trash bag, sorry, bought the wrong ones.
Me: ah, no biggie
Him: smells like that cheap perfume all the soccer mom's wear
Me: (laughing and trying not to choke) Perfume? No honey, that's the same scent as they use for those "deodorant tampons".
Him: you mean all these years I've been smelling......
Oh the look on his face. A herd of wild buffalo could have easily walked through his wide open mouth. Priceless.
I now return you to the regularly scheduled coverage of Anna Nicole Smith. Have a beautiful day.
I had to read about the purging of the blogrolls by Atrios and Daily Kos over at the Galloping Beaver because, doh, I rarely read the big blogs. They could close up shop and unless one of the smaller blogs tells me, I wouldn't know it. They've become too much like MSM for me.
Apparently the recent purge was taken by many as their way of deciding who was or was not worthy. May have been, may have been simply trying to maintain a relatively short blogroll. Either case, I don't care. They can do whatever they please. It isn't like any of them would ever have linked me so I have no vested interest in the matter.
My blogrolling policy is: I don't have a set-in-stone policy. I might even link a "major" blog if I start following one fairly regularly. Mostly I assume everyone already has those links so why bother.
I look for blogs that interest me. Period. They don't have to agree with my views 100% or update every 5 minutes. Individuals tend to have lives and blogging takes up a fair amount of time. They can flat out disagree with me on most issues if I can find any logical rationale to their point of view.
I've removed a few blogs even in the short few months I've been blogging. Usually after a few months of no activity. Now and then because it went or I became aware it was assmonkey-driven. If people want to carry on a crusade for freeing 3 time murderers they can do that, I don't have to link them.
Today I dropped a few dead ones and one because the writer continues to believe we are in mortal danger if we leave Iraq and we must continue to increase troop presence there at all cost. In his view this is not even open to discussion. He has a right to believe and express that but obviously at this stage, if someone continues to believe this then I have no more words for them.
I added a few North Town, Divided We Stand United We Fall , and Flimsy Sanity. I'm not sure what I'll do if and when my blogroll goes nuclear but I doubt purging it for size will be the answer. It's my on-line bookmark list so if I still visit, even occasionally, it stays.
Thanks to the move by some of the big players of the blog world I'm going to make more of an effort to keep an eye out for interesting, lesser known blogs and add them. My little contribution to keeping internet democracy alive.
Today is more or less our first day of going back to some semblance of routine. I say more or less because it isn't exactly routine yet. I still have chores to do such as clearing out the Christmas ham that she won't ever be having after all and tending the small herd of semi-feral cats we've inherited.
What always strikes me is how little we really leave behind us. In the end it comes down to returning Netflix videos and cancelling accounts. For most of us our greatest claim to immortality will be the credit card offers that will continue arriving years after the rest of the world has forgotten we ever existed. I've been through this enough times to know that dying is the surest path to a four-star credit rating.
This death has been different for me in that it isn't me who has been so greatly affected. I already said goodbye to most of the people who ever loved me years ago. I'm sad and I will miss this lady but her passing hasn't left a huge hole in my life and she didn't take most of my history with her, nor do I carry the memories of most of hers. It's been difficult because she took my husband's, one of the few people left on this planet I feel connected to.
I had to watch him say goodbye to the last remaining person who shared his history and understand completely how that feels. I think it may be more painful than going through it myself. I've had 25 years to get used to my disconnectedness so I'm sure time has softened the edges but it's not exactly the sort of thing you forget.
The process of dying is not something I look forward to but being dead doesn't trouble me much because I think it's most likely I will simply cease to exist. Nothing too scary there, kind of sad but basically it just means I won't be around to grow more flowers, someone else will though so no major loss. What scares me is leaving my better half behind to cope by himself. The world is an ugly place and it's particularly ugly to disposable people.
That includes the majority of the worlds' population. Religious folks like to put a different spin on things, claim we are all "special in God's eyes". They talk the talk but they almost never walk the walk. Most of us are disposable people, bodies to be valued as consumers or worker bees or to fight our wars and don't forget to fight for our causes such as protecting the rights of the unborn. Fuck 'em once they're born but by God we're going to make certain they get born. We have to insure enough are born to keep up the supply of bodies to use or convert for our causes.
I'm not religious and this puts it all in a very different perspective for me. Every single life has value because much as I hate to break this down for you...this may well be all we get. I can't just shrug it off and say "oh well, now she's in God's hands" because that's bullshit. Convenient, self-serving bullshit. It makes some people feel better to believe this, more importantly it makes it easier to justify treating others in any way they find convenient.
Okay, I'm rambling a bit. I'm still walking around feeling slightly surreal. I think what I'm trying to say is don't worry so much about the afterlife, start worrying more about THIS life. We've become numb to the numbers, too many people suffering and dying every day so we don't even think about it much, it's overwhelming. Stop and pick one of that number, any one, and really think about what it would be to be them or to be one of their loved ones left behind. Walk in their shoes for one minute. Do this every day.
If we could ever get every single person on this planet to do this for one minute of every day I think we might actually be able to make some progress as a species. Yeah, I know, I'm dreaming. It will never happen. So now you understand why I'm not so troubled by my own mortality. Sometimes leaving a bad situation is the better option.
I wasn't satisfied with the look but hadn't gotten around to changing it, thank you to Pesu for egging me on. Let me know if the colors work better or worse for you. I'm always willing to reconsider the course.
