Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Questions Not to Ask a Canadian

Not sure where this originated, some claim these were actual questions posted on a tourism site but I can't verify that and who cares anyway, it's funny.

Q:I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q:Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street?(USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q:I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada?(Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver.(Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
A: What? did your last slave die?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada?(England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?(USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?(USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.


leftdog said...

Great post! But .... you didn't mention that Canadians do it with their socks on ... and with the long winter nights, we do it with out socks on LOTS!

Not Your Mama said...

Probably explains why my (Canadian) mother thought it important I learn how to darn socks!

Give me a wave when I show up in Calgary naked and covered in urine, eh?

Dave said...

Love it! Those look like the true, honest, true questions that show up on Lonely Planet.

Women on the Verge said...

Naked and covered in urine.. with darned socks??

Now that's a picture...


Flimsy Sanity said...

Never had a bad time in Canada (and I am close). A camping vacation to one of their parks is more fun than anything because people visit with strangers and I think their sense of humor is kind of smarter than ours. - Plus the country values music more than sports. What is not to like? Thanks for this laugh.

ryk said...

I'm with flimsy sanity. What's not to like? When I lived in Northern Maine I used to shop in Canada all the time. Friendly people and good beer. They did put gravy on french fries, though.

Zorpheous said...

Actually this Q and A is a myth, is floats arounf the internets and has been transposed from country to country. I did a post on it last year and then recycled it again because it was too good not to use again, I changed the answer a bit ~evil grin~

Woozie said...

I have some Canadians to interview...

leftdog said...

Canadian sex is fun but Canadian politics is wierd. For example, during the next federal election (which could happen any time because we do not have set dates - they just have to happen at least once every 5 years but most times it's every 4 years (otherwise the ruling party looks desperate and hanging on until the bitter end) now ... oh yes ... during the next campaign, I can vote for:
-The Conservative Party
-The Liberal Party
-The New Democratic Party
-The Green Party
-The Bloc Quebecois (only in quebec
-The Marijuana Party

Whoever wins the MOST seats in the Parliament gets to be the Government and the leader of the winning party gets to be the Prime Minister.

We have had 2 elections in 3 years and another due any month now BECAUSE no one party can win a clear 51% majority.

So there you go ... Canadian politics - that is why we mostly leave our socks on and just do it lots!

Omnipotent Poobah said...

These must all be true. I can tell because the Canadian answers are perfect and full of snark.

Give those boys some Tim Horton's or some poutine and they'll take over the world.

kootcoot said...

Gravy with the fries, though good, is optional, you are allowed to have the fries naked if you so choose. (the fries and/or yourself).

I like it how when I'm in America if people find out I'm from Canada they figure I must know everybody else in the country. Does everybody in California know each other? If they do, ick!


ryk said...

Mmmmm, naked fries naked.

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