The Dangers of Channel Surfing

Margaret Cho, Craig Ferguson, and Sarah Palin in a 3-way? Skip to the last few minutes of the video and hope your capacity for mental imagery isn't as good as mine.

Who Watches This Stuff?

I've been trying to watch anything but the news this week and I've had way too much time on my hands minus the visiting grandchildren but this is not working out very well at all.

Just a few random thoughts:

Lewis Black ought to have stuck with stand-up because The Root of All Evil is about as smart and cutting edge as the writings in the average public bathroom stall.

Do I need to even mention the major networks? Slop operas, reality shows or crime dramas ad infinitum.

Daytime television should probably be outlawed.

When did the slop opera lives of people operating a tattoo parlor become fodder for a channel calling itself "The Learning Channel"? Learning what, how to be a clueless dimwit? Not sure which is worse, that or the one where you follow around a couple of chunkheads with gazillion children.

If there were a Jerry Springer Award I'd give it to VH-1. What I'd really like to see is a documentary on the people who actually watch this stuff, now THAT might be entertaining.

Ladies, if you wonder why "men do not respect us" just flip channels for a bit. We're portrayed either half naked wearing naught but a pound of make-up or put together and successful but eternally whining.

I finally watched The View. For an entire 15 minutes. Never again.

Telemundo is about the only station that regularly features people who look like your friends and neighbors but that's assuming your friends and neighbors also dress like hookers.

Japanese shows are terrific because you can make up your own dialogue. None of mine would make it past the censors.

I'm off to watch stock tickers, see you later.

Stuff to Do When Feeling Down

Some women go shopping or get their hair done. I'd be more depressed if I spent money then realized I had bought nothing of lasting value and I could give a flip about my hair so I go virtual house shopping.

Here are a few of todays top picks:

Larger than I really want and I need a yard but it's not shabby.

Don't want the house but I need that central courtyard.

I don't need it, probably could not afford it but I'm being unreasonable today so I want it.

And the winner is......

Voodoo Economics Part Deux

Greenspan on The Daily Show:

"I've been dealing with these big mathematical models of forecasting the economy, and I'm looking at what's going on in the last few weeks. … If I could figure out a way to determine whether or not people are more fearful or changing to more euphoric, and have a third way of figuring out which of the two things are working, I don't need any of this other stuff... Forecasting 50 years ago was as good or as bad as it is today. And the reason is that human nature hasn't changed. "

I nearly choked to death laughing. No truer words just surprising to hear him speak them on national television. S'okay Alan, probably no one except a handful of geeky traders really noticed much less understood what you were saying.

Sometimes life is fun. I'm off to rattle some chicken bones.

When People Think You're a Loon Do Not Prove Them Right

The only pundit on the planet who nearly always "gets" my views and uh, a whole slew of the real "average America's" (as opposed to that weird, fanatical, and not-so-bright one the MSM keeps telling us is "middle America").

At the risk of offending any readers who love to dress up in ugly clothing and engage in circus performances for the cameras, I give you.........



Look, I'm sure they mean well but folks like this and yes, the ever-iconic Sheehan too, have done more to deter "the average American" from joining the anti-Iraq-war crowd than Bush & Co. could have paid anyone to do. It just does not play well in Peoria.

Hot Hot Rumor of the Day

Rumor flying that infamous Maricopa county Sheriff Joe Arpaio has been arrested for...DUI??? I am sooo going to laugh my butt off if this one turns out to be true.

Opinion Polls & Market Research

Just Because I Feel Like It

I had an e-mail from someone and they said something that really struck me as funny, "It seems like if you don't rant about Iraq or the latest screw-up by Kos, the numbers drop." That isn't terribly important to me. If it was, I could write "hit pieces" all day and probably do at least a fair job of it, trust me on that.

I'm pretty much tired of ranting about Iraq, like I said, if America was serious about getting out we'd be out. Most of America isn't quite there yet and that doesn't surprise me much either, most of the country is usually running a mile or two behind me. We're going to get out but not before we muck around for another 6 months to a year. There isn't anything I can do to change that. Kos, well, if I visit there once a month that would be a lot for me. I don't care all that much if they do screw up but if someone wants a daily dose of outrage and titillation on demand I'd recommend them because even though I may have stored up a lifetime of outrage I'm not always inclined to produce it on cue. I'm not getting paid to do this and I wouldn't want to be, I do this because it's the first time in my life I have not been in a position where I have to "mind what I say" or worry about the consequences. I'll write it when I'm feeling it. Or I'll post a giant picture of my ass. Depends how I'm feeling.

Today I was feeling sick of the news so I turned it off and went outside. I spent most of the day doing absolutely nothing except make random half-hearted stabs at pulling weeds, watching the half billion birds we have living here and taking pictures of any random thing that caught my eye. Sorry if that's boring but I wasn't up to dealing with the body count tally for today.

This one is for RJ Adams. It's my baby chitalpa in bloom. Those are mountains behind it. Nevada is not flat.

Lamb's ears that have colonized in odd places. Random, careless gardening is my style.


My dearest companion. Yes, she probably does outweigh Paris Hilton.

A small toad I found hiding under my huechera.

Tonight's sunset as seen from my back yard.



That's it for me for tonight. No outrage, no bodycounts and I'll still be around tomorrow and the day after whether I have a "hitcount" or not. People can ignore me, they can never make me go away.

Osama is Bush's Mama

In case anyone was in doubt about who has been running the show here.



There are over 300 million of us. We have the most destructive war toys on the planet, just ask the Japanese. We have a huge chunk of the money in the world too. What are we so afraid of?

Naked City

The real reason Lou Dobbs and Tom Tancredo are scared. I totally support what photographer Isaac Esquivel was trying to do here but I do hope he never tries this in Pahrump. Just would not be a photo perfect moment in history.

The Truth About Nevadans

We've been outed. Someone out there has discovered the truth about us and it's floating around all over the internets. So much for our dreams of grandeur.

Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Greater Nevada market:

"Summerlin Barbie"

This princess Barbie is sold only at Boca Park . She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

"North West Barbie"

The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

"North Las Vegas Or North Town Barbie"

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

"Green Valley Barbie"

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

"Hendertucky Barbie"

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

"Las Vegas Strip Barbie"

This collagen injected, rhino-plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as newly built high rise condo.
"Pahrump Barbie"

This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Butler Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

"Reno Barbie"

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Reno Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

"Bonanza Barbie"

This Barbie now comes with a stroller and 2 infant dolls. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. White boy Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

"Tahoe Barbie"

She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always out a-'huntin'.

Mittens For Kittens

The inner workings of congress for the unitiated.

That Whole Meme Thing

I'm not really pro or anti memes, kind of one of those many things that can get carried too far sometimes but can be fun too so I don't mind participating now and then.

I got tagged by A Big Fat Slob while I was busy trying to pull my head out of my butt and I'm so perversely amused to see that I made the same list as Mahmood Ahmadinejad I have to go with it. That has to be one of the top 5 funniest things to have ever happened to me.

5 Reasons I Blog

1. So my head won't explode. Like ABFS, my dogs are also bored by my commentary and I think it's bad form to torture my husband incessantly.

2. It seemed like a reasonable alternative to doing bizarre and disgusting things to Bill O'Reilly's face on the TV screen.

3. I love the fabulous people I run across doing this. They keep me cautiously optimistic about the human species. Sometimes I lose sight of how many good and trying-to-better ourselves people are out there, the people I meet here remind me it isn't all hopeless.

4. Because I can. For all the negatives that have come with greater access to media it has also given everyone an outlet. Sometimes that is a terrible thing, sometimes it is a great thing, every now and then it allows some of us to communicate with others we might not necessarily cross paths with in our everyday lives. That has to be a good thing.

5. It is illegal and uncivilized to shoot people, even very bad people we hate.

Not so sure about tagging people, I know some don't like memes so I'm going to leave it open, if you're linked here consider yourself tagged if you want to participate and if you want, leave a comment here and I'll list you here if you do.

New Widget

Added the weekly Pajamas Media Presidential Straw Poll. No, I only get to vote once a week same as everyone else so all those 381 votes for Richardson are not mine.

UPDATE: C'mon Edwards and Obama voters....need a lot more votes to re-skew their numbers. Busy re-doing some floors and stuff this weekend, try to get back soon.

Maz Jobrani

If you haven't seen Comedy Central's "Axis of Evil Comedy Tour" you might want to, it's hysterical.

Maz Jobrani was my favorite.

Democratic Implosion: Part What....100?

Yippee, we didn't have enough to fight about now we're going to throttle each other over how and when to get out of Iraq.

My stance: we should already be out. Since we aren't I'd like us out as soon as is humanly possible, like today would be good. Reality is we have to get enough votes to pass any resolution which will most likely be vetoed by the Naked Emperor regardless. Pick one that has the most support and go with it or hell, stick your neck out there and support all of them and hope one flies. It's not an "either or" situation if your real mission IS to get our troops out of there.

The Great Fox Debate: cancel the whole debate. We've elevated the fight to the point of pissing off everyone and are now in the process of killing not only the candidates themselves but in some cases are now waging war against the state Democratic parties themselves. Cancel it and end the fight. So we'll miss an opportunity for more publicity, beats getting more publicity for being dingdongs. Half the country already thinks all Democrats are dingdongs, why give them
more ammo.

I'm sure we can find more "talking points" to fight about but let's do a little damage control, m'kay?

In the meantime, my favorite comedian gives us the scoop about what is really in Dick Cheney's leg.

Alabama Loves Cucumbers

I have to add to my last post. If you are watching sci-fi to get your groove on, consider consulting a medical professional UNLESS you live in Alabama in which case we all understand your plight.

Mark Day explains it all.

Geek-a-vision Rant

I keep hearing that Battlestar Galactica gets fantastic ratings.

Who the heck are these viewers? I'm a major sci-fi geekette and this show is nothing more than a soap opera in space gear.

I understand that some of the geek guys think Starbuck is hot and have odd fantasies about alien chicks named Number Six but maybe what is needed is a Sci-Fi porn channel so real sci-fi fans don't have to be bothered. Sorry guys but we'd rather watch Carter who keeps her issues in check than Starbuck who's issues have issues. See, if someone launches a sci-fi porn channel you can still watch Starbuck sleep with the entire cast and even get it in more detail. The rest of us will stick with Carter who knows how to keep her jumpsuit on. Besides, Vala would kick Number Six's alien butt.

To make matters even worse Galactica pretends to be rough and profane by peppering every other line of dialogue with it's made-for-TV version of cursing. Frack this and frack that. I suppose it fills up the airtime and saves the writers having to come up with something more interesting. Please, just say fuck or drop it altogether. You aren't cool or clever with this ploy.

As for the rest of the casts, how could you even compare Teal'c, O' Neill et al....

To these girlie-men.....

And for real people, if you are watching sci-fi to get your groove on, consider consulting a medical professional. Frack.

Questions Not to Ask a Canadian

Not sure where this originated, some claim these were actual questions posted on a tourism site but I can't verify that and who cares anyway, it's funny.

Q:I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q:Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street?(USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q:I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada?(Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver.(Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
A: What? did your last slave die?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada?(England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?(USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?(USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Consumerism on Steroids

I watch commercials. I don't particularly like commercials but they are a great indicator of where and who we are because I'm certain if they didn't resonate with at least a fairly large segment of the population the companies that pay to air them would not be spending millions to do so.

This one for U.S. Steel Buildings (video here) is driving me completely nuts.

Did you watch it? What is wrong with this picture?

We are so obsessed with our "stuff" that we now spend thousands of dollars to buy extra houses for it to live in, that's what's wrong with it.

If you need an extra 40 x 60 foot steel building to store all of your "keepsakes" please seek professional help immediately. Your stuff owns you.