Sunday, December 10, 2006

An American Jihad on Childhood

Yup, we've done it, gone and declared our very own Jihad-American Style on the joys of childhood. Props for being the stupidest of stupid assmonkeys to have ever walked the earth.

First I give you the Jewish rabbi in Seattle who has single-handedly tackled that pillar of the Christian propaganda machine, Seattle's Sea-Tac airport and WON. (STFU and stop laughing Christian-Right, I'm coming after you in a minute). Congratulations rabbi, you've banished the vile and offensive Christmas tree, I can only imagine how proud of yourself you must feel.

Now how you ever figured out that the Christmas tree was indeed a religious symbol I'll never know. It's been a carefully guarded secret for 2000 years that Joseph and Mary decorated the very first tree on the eve of Jesus' birth. I know that history tells us the ancient pagan tribes celebrated it as a symbol of life even while sacrificing lives upon it but that was just a ruse concocted by Christians to trick you.

Never mind that the celebration of Christmas itself is no longer even the private domain of Christians but has become so entrenched in American tradition that it is now also a celebration of friends and family and GIVING much celebrated by many non-religious people as well. The one time of the year when most of us put down our battle-axes and agendas and celebrate as one people. Rich ones, poor ones, white, brown, and black, caucasian and asian, religious and secular, Republican and Democrat, for one single day we share some common ground.

For this one holiday season most of us give, gifts both for our loved ones and for strangers we will never meet, food, money, basic necessities that many may lack much of the year, all of this we give at Christmas and we give it to both Christians and non-Christians alike because for this one holiday, it does not matter. We may all resume our regular selfish and self-absorbed ways on December 26th but just for the brief season leading up to Christmas we give and those of us who are lucky give thanks that we are able to give, take one moment to appreciate our good fortune and experience one tiny moment of humility.

Now enter you Mr. Rabbi, this offends you so we must take down this symbol of giving because in your twisted little mind you have decided it represents Christianity to the detriment of Judaism. Never mind that small children throughout the country from nearly every walk of life look forward every year to this symbol of Christmas itself. Not Christianity, not politics, not anti-anyone, but Christmas, the celebration of family, friends, peace, giving, and most of all joy. Joy. There's a word I'm guessing you know little about.

What about us? Are we going to continue bending over for every single person who decides they don't like something, that it offends them? How about if I say this rabbi offends me? Will we have him removed from public? A lot of things offend me, I don't run around threatening to sue everyone because they display something I do not like.

Not content to shame small children for their love of Christmas trees we feel compelled to destroy their books and movies. Woe be unto the child who admits to loving Harry Potter. The Christian-Right has issued their judgement and it is final: Harry Potter promotes witchcraft and DEVIL WORSHIP! Oh my. Combine this with a movie like Happy Feet which we are being told is not only an environmentalist inspired propaganda film but also promotes gayness and we have a sure-fire recipe for a generation of anti-Semitic, Greenpeace belonging, voodoo practicing, gay devil-worshippers. So we are being told anyway.

Hey, while we're on a roll let's get rid of that darned Cinderella, clearly a symbol of classist elitism and Bambi too, it's plain to see he's a product of the anti-gun lobby propaganda machine.

When we finally get done discrediting and dismantling every single cherished icon of American childhood and have succeeded in limiting our young to reading the backs of cereal boxes and playing with gravel maybe we can stop and consider pulling our heads out of our asses.

3 comments:

Bacon Eating Atheist Jew said...

This is just silliness. It is just a Christmas tree, it isn't like it is a rock or whatever Muslims pray to.

Vigilante said...

Nice Pick, Coyote! I thought this story was the height of stupidity, but that was without reading into it as far as you did. My initial reaction was why didn't the town put up a crummy little minouri (don't know the spelling) so the Rabbi could feel a level playing field under his feet. But you nailed it better! Nice Rant!

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