Thursday, February 22, 2007

Cirque du Anna Nicole

Assmonkey Press - In an effort to sustain public interest in the proceedings following the death of Anna Nicole Smith, Circuit Judge Larry Seidlin has authorized payment for services to voodoo practitioner Ki Gendeng Pamungkas, renowned for his earlier success in jinxing President George W. Bush.

Stated Judge Seidlin, "this is probably my last shot at a book deal, face it, once this trial is over I'm finished in the judiciary system. A man has to make a living."

Mr. Pamungkas will be retained by Broward County to reanimate the deceased in an attempt to allow the deceased to testify on her own behalf. According to reports by insiders, both CNN and MSNBC have heartily endorsed the move. States an anonymous source at MSNBC, "this can only be seen as a career maker for Rita Cosby".

When asked for his views on this development, CNN president Jonathan Klein stated, "we can only report the news, not judge whether or not it has merit. After all, when have we ever used judgement before?"

In a related development the Assmonkey Press is investigating unconfirmed reports that Rita Cosby is in negotiations with Rupert Murdoch to launch a new 24 hour news network in partnership with Glenn Beck, Lou Dobbs and Nancy Grace. Bill O'Reilly could not be reached for comment as his staff informed us he was on retreat working on his newest book, "Voodoo Warriors and Why They Hate America".

AP Disclaimer: The above is presented for parody purposes only. Any persons believing one word of this should seek professional help immediately. Not responsible for outcome, results may vary.


the WIZARD, fkap said...

I believed every word of your report!

My only other option would be to believe the last three days of wall-to-wall coverage of the Anna Nichole Smith hearings on FOX, MSNBC and CNN.

Your Assmonkey Press report was simply more believeable.

Not Your Mama said...

Inmates are running the asylum.