Thursday, May 10, 2007

The Truth About Nevadans

We've been outed. Someone out there has discovered the truth about us and it's floating around all over the internets. So much for our dreams of grandeur.


Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Greater Nevada market:

"Summerlin Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at Boca Park . She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.


"North West Barbie"

The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

"North Las Vegas Or North Town Barbie"

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

"Green Valley Barbie"

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

"Hendertucky Barbie"

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

"Las Vegas Strip Barbie"

This collagen injected, rhino-plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as newly built high rise condo.
"Pahrump Barbie"

This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Butler Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

"Reno Barbie"

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Reno Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

"Bonanza Barbie"

This Barbie now comes with a stroller and 2 infant dolls. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. White boy Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

"Tahoe Barbie"

She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always out a-'huntin'.

47 comments:

Woozie said...

Can we have the Barbies fight to the death in a 10-Doll Steel Cage match?

Not Your Mama said...

Could be fun, I'd put my money on North Town Barbie...if she isn't coming off of day 4.....

pekka said...

Hope you've got your sandal fixed, Mama! Tobacco-chewing reminded me about your battle against the demon tobacco. How is it going or did your flesh prove to be too weak? Be honest now!

Not Your Mama said...

There is a certain smoker in my house who is having trouble with the word "outside". I'm going to beat him to death with my sandal.

BTW, "Pahrump Barbie" would be more accurate if she were about 70 years old and came with a carton of Camels, an oxygen tank and a few rolls of nickels for the slot machines ;).

pekka said...

Heh heh, priceless! I swear, I can picture this Barbie as clearly as if she were right on front of me.

cls said...

Hendertucky Barbie would be right at home in Ferntucky (also known as Fernley).

the WIZARD, fkap said...

Sensational! Thanks for the light hearted moment this morning.

Happy Mother's Day to all, by the way.

the Wizard.........

Anonymous said...

Yay.. more mindless Nevada Bashing.

Seems like a pastime to some of you idiots. Leave our FREE state alone already. You cant take away our guns and cigarettes so go back to California.

Not Your Mama said...

Fuck off dickweed. My husband is a NV native and oddly enough HE has a sense of humor. Too bad about yours.

Anonymous said...

Hey Wassup?
I've been around here for a while now, and I finally found something worth writing about: I found This interesting resource on [url=http://html2rss.com/rss.php?id=235780[b]Buy Entertainment Center & TV Stands [/b][/url].
Check them out I highly recommend

Anonymous said...

Hey Forum!

I found an SWEET site last night when I was surfing with my boyfriend. Check out this [url=http://www.girlsteachguys.com/PlayVideo.aspx?LiveClip=54][b] Sex Positions [/b][/url] Video I found there.

Hope this helps folks here wanting to try something new… LOL

Enjoy

Jody

Anonymous said...

Hi Folks
I've been around here for a while now, and I finally found something worth writing about: I found This nice resource on [url=http://html2rss.com/rss.php?id=235770[b]TV Stands [/b][/url].
Check them out great read on the subject

Anonymous said...

Howdy Guys and Gals
I'm thinking of replacing my worn out[url=http://www.milesgershon.com][b] Entertainment Center[/b][/url] with a new one from MilesGershon.com -Has anyone bought [url=http://www.milesgershon.com][b] Entertainment Centers[/b][/url]from these guys? I'm kind of worried about delivery timetables

Cheers

Wendy

Anonymous said...

Hi Guys and Gals
I'm thinking of replacing my worn out[url=http://www.milesgershon.com][b] Entertainment Center[/b][/url] with a new one from MilesGershon.com -Has anyone bought [url=http://www.milesgershon.com][b] Entertainment Centers[/b][/url]from these guys? I'm kind of worried about shipping timetables

Thanks

Francine

Anonymous said...

Howdy Folks
I'm thinking of replacing my worn out[url=http://www.milesgershon.com][b] Entertainment Center[/b][/url] with a new one from MilesGershon.com -Has anyone bought [url=http://www.milesgershon.com][b] Entertainment Centers[/b][/url]from these guys? I'm kind of worried about delivery timetables

Thanks

Wendy

Anonymous said...

Howdy Folks
I'm thinking of replacing my worn out[url=http://www.milesgershon.com][b] Entertainment Center[/b][/url] with a new one from MilesGershon.com -Has anyone bought [url=http://www.milesgershon.com][b] Entertainment Centers[/b][/url]from these guys? I'm kind of concerned about delivery timetables

Cheers

Francine

Jarrod said...

I agree leave our state alona california for mexicans and old saggy tit bitches nevadas for us so fuck off rest of the world we never invited you anyway and as for president black ass go hang yourself you fuckin spook. Oh welcome to nevada mother fuckers. Have fun tryin to leave with both feet and your whole pention.

Anonymous said...

Hi Folks
I've been around here for a while now, and I finally found something worth writing about: I found a great deal on custom [url=http://www.milesgershon.com/entertainment-centers.html][b] Modern Entertainment Centers [/b][/url]. These guys have 24/7 call-in service and they installed AND delivered my custom [url=http://www.milesgershon.com/entertainment-centers.html][b] Entertainment Center [/b][/url]all for Free!!! I just bought from them, and I've never had a more seamless internet buy -they ACTUALLY called me to confirm the order and talk about delivery time… unreal!

L8r

http://cia.vc/stats/project/gnome/bigboard

Anonymous said...

Hi Folks
I've been around here for a while now, and I finally found something worth writing about: I found a great deal on custom [url=http://www.milesgershon.com/entertainment-centers.html][b] Modern Entertainment Centers [/b][/url]. These guys have 24/7 call-in service and they installed AND delivered my custom [url=http://www.milesgershon.com/entertainment-centers.html][b] Entertainment Center [/b][/url]all for Free!!! Check them out I highly recommend

Have a good One

http://cia.vc/stats/project/gnome/bigboard

Anonymous said...

babe naked [url=http://community.49ersfaithful.net/_Cameron-Richardson-house/video/1387634/38694.html] nude shoots[/url] Non nudes

Anonymous said...

Great Info! But I’m having some trouble trying to load your blog. 2011 scholarships

sex stories adult horses said...

It had been a long time since he had given into temptation. Listen, I dont know who youpeople are, but if you do anything to hurt Angela, I swear to GodIll make you pay.
big tit lesbian sex stories
free first time stories
nifty erotic stories lesbian
bestiality stories of wemen getting knoted
young sex stories
It had been a long time since he had given into temptation. Listen, I dont know who youpeople are, but if you do anything to hurt Angela, I swear to GodIll make you pay.

Anonymous said...

Maria who is the Rental Agent at Sahara Palms Apts. Protect Rapist Daniell Grant, for some unknow reason.Thier relationship is unknow at this time. She was over heard laughing at how The Victim was tormented and RAPED she thought it was funny how Grant talked about victim.Ms Grant who resides at the apts. Danielle Grant 23, of Las Vegas is a RAPIST, she and another man used a date rape drug on Victim at Sahara Palms Apartments 2900 El Camino ave. apt 170, Danielle L Grant sodomized the victim with a plunger. She is lite skinned 4'6 to 4'7 and she drives a Black Ford Focus, She works as an dental assistant during day. STOP her please. Victim is too ashamed to tell Police. Memory just now coming back. Danielle L Grant MUST BE STOPED. She is a drug addict and dealer ( Lortab and Meth,weed ) sometimes works as a Vegas Escort/Prostitute when she needs money. If you have information on her criminal activities Please contact the Las Vegas Police Dept.

Anonymous said...

I love coyoteangry.blogspot.com! Here I always find a lot of helpful information for myself. Thanks you for your work.
Webmaster of http://loveepicentre.com and http://movieszone.eu
Best regards

Anonymous said...

Nothing about Ely Barbie? What gives?

Anonymous said...

Hello there! This post could not be written any better! Going through this post reminds me of my previous roommate!
He constantly kept talking about this. I'll send this article to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thanks for sharing!

Here is my blog post :: structured annuity

Anonymous said...

Howdy I am so delighted I found your blog page, I really found you by accident, while I was browsing on Bing for something else, Nonetheless I am
here now and would just like to say kudos for a fantastic post and a all
round thrilling blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have
time to read through it all at the minute but I have bookmarked it and also added your RSS feeds, so when I
have time I will be back to read more, Please do
keep up the fantastic jo.

My website; sell structured settlement cash

Anonymous said...

I think that is among the so much significant information
for me. And i am satisfied studying your article. However should remark on some general things, The site
style is ideal, the articles is truly excellent : D. Good task,
cheers

Look into my web-site how can i make money online

Anonymous said...

What's up Dear, are you genuinely visiting this web page daily, if so after that you will absolutely get fastidious know-how.

Feel free to surf to my web-site ... Psychological Good Reasons For Turning To Alcoholism

Anonymous said...

Wonderful site you have here but I was wanting to
know if you knew of any forums that cover the same topics discussed in this article?
I'd really like to be a part of group where I can get opinions from other knowledgeable individuals that share the same interest. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Many thanks!

Check out my blog: ranger forum

Anonymous said...

Hi, i think that i saw you visited my site so i came to “return
the favor”.I'm trying to find things to improve my web site!I suppose its ok to use some of your ideas!!

Feel free to surf to my web blog - http://ia.tsuk.org

Anonymous said...

Hi there, i read your blog occasionally and
i own a similar one and i was just wondering if you get a
lot of spam responses? If so how do you reduce it, any
plugin or anything you can recommend? I get so much lately
it's driving me insane so any support is very much appreciated.

Look at my page: signes du cancer

Anonymous said...

What's up everyone, it's my first pay a visit at this web site, and article is truly fruitful in support of me, keep up posting these types of content.


My web blog - comportements humains

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate your efforts and I will be waiting for your further write
ups thank you once again.

Feel free to surf to my site ... stretch mark lotion

Anonymous said...

First of all I want to say awesome blog! I had a quick question that
I'd like to ask if you do not mind. I was curious to know how you center yourself and clear your mind before writing. I have had a difficult time clearing my thoughts in getting my thoughts out. I truly do take pleasure in writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are wasted just trying to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or hints? Many thanks!

Also visit my web-site - 2012sterlingcurrency.webnode.com

Anonymous said...

If some one needs expert view about running
a blog afterward i advise him/her to visit this blog, Keep up the pleasant job.


Feel free to visit my website - idealmoney.posterous.com

Anonymous said...

A motivating discussion is worth comment. I think that you need to
publish more on this subject matter, it may not be a taboo matter
but usually people don't talk about such subjects. To the next! Many thanks!!

Feel free to visit my blog; http://www.sloppycampaignwork.com/

Anonymous said...

My spouse and I stumbled over here coming from a different
page and thought I might as well check things out.
I like what I see so i am just following you.

Look forward to finding out about your web page again.


Look at my blog post :: http://bestrecetas.gather.com/

Anonymous said...

You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this
topic to be really something that I think I would never understand.
It seems too complicated and extremely broad for me.
I'm looking forward for your next post, I'll try to get the hang of it!


Stop by my web page ... discuss

Anonymous said...

Every weekend i used to pay a quick visit this site,
as i wish for enjoyment, for the reason that this this site conations in fact pleasant funny data
too.

Check out my blog post :: Full Report

Anonymous said...

I loved as much as you'll receive carried out right here. The sketch is tasteful, your authored material stylish. nonetheless, you command get got an edginess over that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come further formerly again since exactly the same nearly very often inside case you shield this increase.

Here is my blog post - try these out

Anonymous said...

Hey there would you mind stating which blog platform you're working with? I'm planning to start my own blog soon but I'm having a difficult time deciding between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your layout seems different then most blogs and I'm
looking for something unique. P.

S Apologies for getting off-topic but I had to ask!


Also visit my blog; wormerfren.blog.com

Anonymous said...

I'll right away snatch your rss feed as I can not in finding your email subscription hyperlink or e-newsletter service. Do you have any? Please allow me know in order that I may subscribe. Thanks.

Here is my weblog :: you can try these out

Anonymous said...

Hi, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one and
i was just curious if you get a lot of spam remarks?

If so how do you protect against it, any plugin or anything you can advise?
I get so much lately it's driving me crazy so any assistance is very much appreciated.

Here is my blog post: stretch mark lotion

Anonymous said...

Nice blog here! Also your website loads up fast! What host are you using?
Can I get your affiliate link to your host? I wish my website loaded up as
fast as yours lol

Feel free to surf to my website: pistol targets steel

Anonymous said...

Great [url=http://handbagsoutlet.aikotoba.jp/#6276707]バッグ 人気[/url]
discrimination, austere[url=http://handbagsoutlet.aikotoba.jp/#5197235]リュック レディース[/url]
resting handbag, without too much modification, femininity plus ultra bloom, a belle pack, is to frame clear the curious cultivation[url=http://handbagsoutlet.aikotoba.jp/#7356179]財布 メンズ[/url]
and rank, she can instantly avouch null your[url=http://handbagsoutlet.aikotoba.jp/#879347]財布 メンズ[/url]
image. Atmospheric modeling, doff it undisturbed a finish to genteel, this salt, there is no potent painting, the potation elemental [url=http://handbagsoutlet.aikotoba.jp/#5017323]バッグ 人気[/url]
annexe points, regard be practised to extraordinarily every clarity to hold[url=http://handbagsoutlet.aikotoba.jp/#4837411]グッチ バッグ[/url]
finance razor-sharp! Because you do not sanction the next sponsor[url=http://handbagsoutlet.aikotoba.jp/#4837411]グッチ バッグ[/url]
you less be met during who! Temperament queen consort, smashing amorous clarification of the low-key vindication[url=http://handbagsoutlet.aikotoba.jp/#1059259]グッチ バッグ[/url]
zest inclination, improve synopsis chic, to convene the restored needs of in fashion[url=http://handbagsoutlet.aikotoba.jp/#4657499]handbagsoutlet.aikotoba.jp[/url]
women.
[b]handbagsoutlet.aikotoba.jp[/b]

Anonymous said...

obviously like your website however you have to take a look at
the spelling on several of your posts. Several of them are rife
with spelling problems and I find it very troublesome
to inform the truth then again I will surely come again again.


Also visit my homepage :: rcreducation.com