Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Fox Means Business????

You thought Fox had no merit whatsoever didn't you. You were wrong, they ought to win a Best Comedy Show award for Bulls & Bears. The entire "Cost of Freedom" line-up deserves a nomination at the very least but Bulls & Bears is the clear stand out.

As if the ever-slutty Brenda Buttner and her snorting laugh weren't enough add in the cast of colorful, yet oddly unattractive and obnoxious middle-aged men still acting like high school boys in the locker room after the first Big Game of the season and it's a recipe for the most hysterical half hour of television you ever lost your lunch over.

You'll find it difficult to choose just one favorite character out of the brilliant cast of aging frat boys but Tobin Smith was my runner up. His loud laughter, extra-large teeth and penchant for sexist jokes make him as endearing as a close encounter with a brain-damaged hyena though somewhat less exciting.

Don't believe me? Read one fan's testimonial:

"I enjoy watching Tobin Smith on Fox's Bulls & Bears every Saturday morning. He's often wrong, but I like his enthusiasm."



In spite of all this overwhelming talent Gary B. Smith stands head and shoulders above the crowd. Tracked at Motley Fool Caps with an amazing accuracy of 42.11% you'd be well advised to flip a coin rather than listen to Gary when making your next investment decision.

Still, nothing can detract from the fun to be had waiting for the next nugget of advice to spew from Gary's mouth. Gary's been trying to push Take Two Interactive, maker of such fine games as Grand Theft Auto and Bully, for months now. Seems like kind of an odd choice for a supposedly conservative pundit on a conservative network but maybe this is just one screaming hot stock? Sadly no. TTWO has lost nearly 50% of it's value since Gary started plugging it, pays no dividend and is earning a whopping $-2.50 per share. Gary must simply enjoy killing prostitutes and being a bully!

Not one to be discouraged Gary has moved on, his current pick for the week: Beazer Homes, down from a high of $48 to it's current....$9.52? Must be a screaming deal, ya'll Fox viewers buy it and let me know how that works out for you, m'kay?

I'm telling you people, comedy just does not get any better than this and if you still can't get enough check out Gary's hedge fund, Exemplar Capital, LLC and you too can invest in Gary. He'll have your back....and your life savings!

8 comments:

TomCat said...

Just think, we're looking at the future of the Wall Street Journal here.

Vigilante said...

Fools are soon separated from their money.

Flimsy Sanity said...

I don't get Fox (sigh, no Simpsons) so this was a great synopsis.

Not Your Mama said...

Tomcat: *nod*. Rupert Murdoch destroys America, film at 11.

Vigilante: much truth. Downside is those least able to pay will be the ones asked to foot the bill for the current market ills while Cavuto donates airtime to luxury real estate agents bragging about how sales of secondary homes on the shore have recently skyrocketed. Go figger.

Flimsy Sanity: just you or everyone in your area? If it's not available in your area that's likely a good thing. More dangerous than 10,000 Al Qaeda terrorists.

Woozie said...

Bears? Oh. My. God. Somebody call Stephen Colbert, quick! Forget the monkey, there's a BEAR on the LAMB!

Flimsy Sanity said...

I don't have cable and just get CBS and ABC. I only turn it on for 60 Minutes and quickly turn it off before Andy Rooney does an inventory of his possessions every week.

TomCat said...

I actually watch Faux Noise from time to time. It's a great source for my Bush Sweetheart awards.

Anonymous said...

While marxists try to be clever (and always fail), wingnut followers of Barry (like ThumbUpHisCooch) are actually quite stupid. You know, "stupid" as in on national television declaring you don't have all the facts then in the next breath giving an opinion indicting an entire police force. In this case, ThumbUpHisCooch perverts "Fox News" into "Faux Noise" which, of course, literally means "fake noise." In other words, Fox News is ne pas ebrutier, non partial, et non drole. The last applies to ThumbUpHisCooch's comments, as well. Recalibrate that.